


Never Let Me Go

by entirely_too_tall



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-16
Updated: 2017-10-16
Packaged: 2019-01-18 03:16:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12379779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/entirely_too_tall/pseuds/entirely_too_tall
Summary: A Haus full of people who are touch starved. Each chapter looks at someone trying to find comfort in someone else, and goes further back in time at each chapter.





	1. Never Let Me Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this over a month ago, but I guess I'll post the first part now, since they're Chowder centric and it's Chowderweek (ish). More updates to come, at some point.
> 
> Title inspired by Kazuo Ishiguro's book Never Let Me Go. It's also a book that deals with loneliness and isolation, but a very very different kind. 
> 
> Check Please and its characters belong to Ngozi, I am only expanding upon it for our collective non-commercial pleasure.

Bitty woke up when Jack climbed out of the bed, way too early in the morning. The sun had not risen yet, and Bitty wanted to groan. Especially with all the exertion last night, he was too tired to be awake at this ungodly hour. 

 

Thinking about it, being reminded about his first time having sex last night, _his first time_ , made him blush. He wiggled and stuffed his face into his pillow, as if to hide his blush, and Jack noticed. He pressed a few kisses into Bitty’s hair, murmuring soft “I love you”s and promising to be back in 10 days after his roadie, that he’ll miss Bitty and call as much as he can.

 

Jack had packed last night, just needing to do a quick morning wash and then head off to the arena where their bus was waiting. Bitty nestled himself, wrapping the blanket around his back, already missing the warmth from Jack pressing against him. 

 

When Jack re-emerged from the bathroom ready to go, he came back to kiss Bitty on the lips, soft and chaste, a reminder of their love. Even though Bitty could not manage to fully open his eyes, Jack’s ministrations sent heat down his chest, and an "I love you, Jack” left his lips with a smile. He felt a warm hand caress his cheek, run through his hair, and then lift off, leaving him a cold ghost of a memory before sinking back into sleep again.

 

Later, as Bitty woke up with sunlight shining onto his face and blinding him even through his eyelids, he felt cold. He wrapped himself up in the blankets even tighter, and shuffled his burrito-body into the kitchen to make himself some coffee. Despite his constant chirping, he’s thankful that Jack had instant coffee so that he could whip up a mug without needing to wait for a pot, or worry about wasting the rest. Bitty understood that’s why Jack had it, since he lived alone and couldn’t finish a whole pot of coffee by himself.

 

Looking around the apartment, standing in the kitchen, it felt empty, lonely. There’s too much space for one person to fill by himself, the open distance of the apartment just too cold. _Is this what Jack comes home to all the time?_ Bitty wouldn’t be able to bear it, he thought. Maybe Tater laid himself over the couch here, just like he did in the Haus. Maybe Marty and Thirdy have played pool with Jack, admired his photography on the wall next to it. Maybe George stopped by often, to run together. 

 

But all that didn’t change the fact that Jack lived alone, and spent most of his time in this apartment without anyone else. The thought made Bitty shiver, he had never lived alone in his life, and the prospect of it felt awful to him. How could Jack stand it? 

 

They talked about it sometimes, Jack always saying Bitty’s calls made him feel closer, right next to him. His post it notes are all over the fridge door, his clothes in the drawers, his toiletries next to Jacks in the bathroom. Jack says it reminds him of Bitty, and it’s enough. It wouldn’t have been for Bitty, if their positions were switched.

 

The feeling of loneliness stuck to Bitty as he packed, as he sat on the train back to Samwell, as he baked a maple apple pie, thinking of Jack. Despite the warming April weather, the oven dutifully preheating, Bitty was struck by a chill, holding himself around his body waiting for his crust dough to cool more. He’s just missing Jack, nothing much, though returning to an empty Haus didn’t help his mood.

 

Luckily, as he was just staring off in a daze, huddling around his waist, Chowder came back and spotted him. Immediately, he sensed something off with Bitty when he wasn’t greeted with the usual mothering, and went in for a hug. Bitty relaxed into the hug instantly, wrapping his arms around Chowder and burrowing in for the warmth he was missing. 

 

“How are you doing Bitty?” Chowder was concerned; Bitty had never been so physical before.

 

Bitty shrugged while still buried in Chowder’s embrace. “I just miss Jack a lot, I guess.”

 

“He’s going on their last roadie, right? They’re playing the Islanders, Rangers, Sabres, and Leafs all in a row.”

 

“Mmhmm.”

 

Chowder rubbed his hands on Bitty’s back, eliciting a soft sigh. “Is the roadie making you miss Jack a lot more than usual?”

 

“I dunno. Maybe?” Bitty mumbled into the shark on Chowder’s hoodie, not willing to let go just yet. Chowder was so warm, even through the hoodie, Bitty could feel the body heat, and he felt comforted from it.

 

They stayed like that for a while, and Chowder chattered about the Sharks and the Falconers and their playoffs prospects. Bitty just let himself relax into Chowder’s embrace, forgetting about his pie for the moment, just allowing the comfort of Chowder’s body and presence to seep into him.

 

“His apartment was so empty,” Bitty remarked during a lull in Chowder’s commentary. That made Chowder stop talking to listen, as words waterfalled out of Bitty’s mouth.

 

“I’ve been in his apartment alone before, but it was never like that. He would always come back from his run, or his game, or something. This time, he woke up next to me and left me to be alone and not come back and I know he’s not leaving me but, I guess it still felt emptier, I guess? I dunno. It’s silly. I’m being silly.”

 

Bitty tried to push himself out of Chowder’s circling arms, but Chowder firmly said, “It’s not silly. You miss Jack. It’s normal to feel like this and you can always ask us for hugs if you need them, Bitty.”

 

That seemed to knock its way into Bitty slowly, as he nodded slowly before inching his way back into Chowder’s chest. Their arms tightened around each other as they breathed their way into the comfort of a simple embrace, of touch, of knowing the value of the warmth of someone else’s skin, of the fulfillment of the whispered cry: “never let me go”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. Come yell at me on [tumblr](http://ohjustletmewriteinpeace.tumblr.com).


	2. My Roots Will Keep Me Warm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title inspired by Grace Davies' very impressive original song [Roots](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0JJCndvGQvg), which she sang at the X Factor 2017 UK auditions. 
> 
> Check Please and its characters belong to Ngozi, I am only expanding upon it for our collective non-commercial pleasure.

Chowder wasn’t jealous. Why would he be jealous? He had a girlfriend back at Samwell to hold and cuddle with whenever he wanted. Yet, on this bus out on their roadie right now, with the full moon shining on them, Chowder was feeling jealous of Nursey and Dex tussling about in the seats in front of him. 

 

It didn’t make any sense. They’re just being their usual selves. Nursey was poking at Dex, laying an arm here and a hand there, just to tease him. For his part, Dex had become quite handsy himself when it came to Nursey, even when he continued to be mostly standoffish with everyone else. Then again, Chowder had seen him with his family and they were all quite open with their affectionate touch, so maybe Dex just needed to spend enough time around somebody to open himself up to being touched.

 

Chowder wasn’t jealous of any of that. He got hugs anytime he wanted. He’d go up to anyone on SMH and they’d all be pretty willing to make him happy, especially as the star goalie. Just, it seemed that no one _initiated_ things with him. He didn’t want to be _that_ guy. The needy one that was not content with what he got with asking, but demanded people put him first in their minds. 

 

Nursey and Dex would just prod at each other, all the time, whenever they felt like it. Chowder didn’t have that. With Cait, it was always planned time carved out of their supremely busy schedules, desperately holding onto each other, savoring every second they could squeeze between their palms, keep within their kisses. There was no _ease_. That’s what Nursey and Dex had right now, ease. 

 

Easy comfort, reaching out across the divide between their bodies to connect fingertip to skin, palm to muscle. Where did it come from? Why didn’t Chowder have it? Why can’t he want this?

 

Maybe it was fate, maybe the rabbit chopping away at the jade tree on the full moon heard him and granted a prayer. That night, Chowder was assigned a triple room with Nursey and Dex instead of his own like usual. 

 

Dex pretended to be annoyed as Nursey wrestled him for the bed nearest to the bathroom but he was smiling the whole time. Apparently they did this every time. Apparently Dex always won. Apparently Nursey always let him. Chowder didn’t realize how much he enjoyed watching this, so much that he was in tears.

 

“Yo C! Are you okay? Hey, what’s going on?” Nursey pulled Chowder into a loose embrace that he immediately tightened, clinging on and wondering why he didn’t realize how cold he was before. 

 

He felt a warm, broad hand land gently in between his shoulders, and when the tension uncurled from there, it was as if he was being unshackled from roots that couldn’t keep him warm. Roots named fear of rejection, fear of ridicule, fear of resistance. 

 

He opened his eyes to look at Nursey’s, and then Dex’s. One thing he can be sure of, is that these were his best friends, that they would drop everything in a heartbeat for him if he asked, have dropped gloves often enough. These roots won’t keep him warm so he’ll grow new ones, watered by the love of these men standing around him, keeping him safe from the frigid world.

 

“I love it when you two play with each other like that, can I be part of it? I wanna get hugs and tickles and wrestles too.” He’ll grow his roots into their embrace.

 

“Sure thing, C.” Nursey had a sparkle in his eye, glinting for mischief to come.

 

“Be careful what you wish for, Chowder.” Dex said with a fond smile, understanding, only somewhat teasing. “I might have to fight Nursey off you, he’s a menace.”

 

Chowder laughed, a giggly, hiccupy laugh, and tackled Dex down onto the floor to declare that he had won the bed from Dex. “I think I’m not the one you should be worried about,” he added with a wink. And how they laughed, the sound rattling as if to shake the leaves and turn them over, anew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. Come yell at me on [tumblr](http://ohjustletmewriteinpeace.tumblr.com).


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